I thought I’d write this a few days ahead as Valentine’s Day can bring up a lot of emotions for single people. I’ve talked to an increasing number of women who think there’s something wrong with them because they haven’t had a serious relationship in years. Pretty much everyone acknowledges dating culture is toxic, yet women are still so judged for singledom they start to question themselves.

In many cases, their only “problem” is that they have healthy self esteem and healthy boundaries, which are very much at odds with modern dating culture. They are not afraid to ask a guy what he’s looking for, in order to avoid 3 month situationships. They are not interested in being one of multiple women someone is sleeping with, they’ve ditched the cheater, are not giving those who left a second chance, they dumped the guy with the secret girlfriend/ wife and refuse to be their ex’s backup booty call. In short, they have said NO to being exploited.

Who benefits from women having poor boundaries? Toxic men. Casual dating culture is rife with misogyny and double standards. Women are supposed to consider abuse for not being interested in casual sex, strangers sending dick pics or asking for nude photos as normal behaviour from adult males. It would have them believe they are “too fussy” if they are not interested in men 10-25 years older. It tries to label them as pushy, controlling and unreasonable if they have a bar higher than the absolute minimum. Fake female profiles on dating sites and social media are now a multi-million dollar industry, fueling unrealistic male fantasies.

So if you are single, congratulations for believing in your worth and waiting for someone on your level. Everyone deserves someone who adds value and happiness to their lives. The only way to change the broken system is by refusing to play the game. Humans are not replaceable playthings. There are good men out there, looking for a soulmate and a queen to adore. In the meantime, buy the flowers, wear the sexy lingerie, go away for a weekend. While it’s not the same as being in a good relationship, life is too short not to spoil yourself.

(c) The Body Sacred: Embracing the Divine Sensual